It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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