Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
