Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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