Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
