im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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