okay pat passed out under dana's car
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
