3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
