saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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