I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
