i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
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I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
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The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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