I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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