I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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