I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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