You made me cry and you don't even care
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
