plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
