They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
