i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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