Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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