there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
