i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
