you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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