he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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