we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
