If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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