I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
