would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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