You can't call dibs 8 years later.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
