3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
