just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
