You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
