Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize