she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
