What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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