worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
