Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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