Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
