Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
