Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
