I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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