walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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