she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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