so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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