Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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