why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
ugly people sure do ruin things
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
