i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
