Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
