took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
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