So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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