I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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