Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Enjoy the penises
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
