So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
