I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
ok first of all what the fuck
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
