If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
