Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
