my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
