I think I won the penis lottery.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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