I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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