I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
