some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
