Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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