You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
