what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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