I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
