I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
