Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just gift wrapped bread.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
