i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
