Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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