I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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