Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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