Pants 0. Shit 1.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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