It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
