apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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