she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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