Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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