I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Help. Why am I so naked?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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