dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
